1. domesticabusesurvivors:

    expect-a-miracle:

    Safety planning is a must for those who live in domestic violence situations, and for those looking to get out of those situations. Please pass this along. You could help change someone’s world. 

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46986880423/safety-plan

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46987815267/safety-plan-part-2

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46988681561/safety-plan-part-3

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46990140378/safety-plan-part-4-5-6

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46990735999/safety-plan-part-7

    http://expect-a-miracle.tumblr.com/post/46991261418/important-items-to-remember-to-take-when-leaving

    This is important, if you are trying to escape / create safety plans whilst living alongside abusers.

    domesticabusesurvivors.tumblr.com/

    Reblogged from: domesticabusesurvivors
  2. domesticabusesurvivors:

    Right, I need to talk about abuse within LGBT relationships

    • Survivors of CSA, Rape, Domestic Abuse etc are not entitled/ excused from being abusers because they have experienced trauma, and it is not okay for a partner to excuse their own abusive behaviour based on their own previous trauma.
    • Violence is not ‘mutual’ in same sex relationships, and if your partner is hurting/invalidating you, this is abuse.
    • Judging you on your gender presentation, sexual identity or trans* status, including using trans-phobic, trans-misogynistic, trans-misandrist, cis-sexist language towards you or misgendering you.
    • Threatening to ‘out’ you or expose you to people who are not aware of your sexuality, trans* status, HIV status, or if you engage in sex work. This can be used as a form of control over your social life.
    • Emotional abuse can include being ignored, being ‘punished’ without reason, being manipulated, being harassed or being belittled in their company.

    Stay safe in your relationships, and be aware of the early signs of abuse 

    domesticabusesurvivors.tumblr.com/

    Reblogged from: domesticabusesurvivors
  3. Thank you for reaching out to DAS with your experiences! I’m so sorry you’ve been through this experience. You are so strong and you did not deserve this abuse. I can understand that this must have been a frightening time for you.

    I wish you all the best for your future.

    Stay safe, okay?

    -Jasmine

  4. Thank you for contacting the DAS page!

    You are brave and amazing. I am so proud of you for walking away from this situation. You have done an incredibly courageous thing by deciding to leave.

    Please remember to be extra careful now you have left. Many ex-partners become obsessive and stalk / harrass or even attack after the survivors have left. From a personal perspective, I changed my name to avoid anyone outing me to my ex-abuser who became obsessive with ‘finding me’.

    Wishing you peace and freedom after your abuse.

    -Jasmine

  5. You are in no way a ‘drama queen’. You suffered valid abuse and you do not deserve this. If you are startled or afraid of your partner’s actions towards you, this is a warning sign of an abusive relationship. Please stay safe and leave when you feel confident enough to do so.

    I care about you.

    - Jasmine

  6. Hi everyone on the DAS page. Im pleased to see so many people reaching out and fighting domestic abuse! Sorry I havent responded to every message, but I will get back to everyone. Thank you for your patience at this time. I’m sending so much love to all the incredible SURVIVORS here!

    Also, if you’re interested in being a MOD, please get in touch!

    Stay safe, okay?

  7. loveisrespect:

What is Sexual Coercion?
If someone makes you feel obligated or forced to do something you don’t want to, you may be experiencing coercion. By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”
Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt or shame. You can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, your partner might:
Make you feel like you owe them — for example, because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, because you go home with them
Give you compliments that sound extreme or insincere as an attempt to get you to agree to something
Badger you, yell at you, or hold you down
Give you drugs and alcohol to loosen up your inhibitions
Play on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me” or “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
React negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
Continue to pressure you after you say no
Make you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
Try to normalize their sexual expectations — for example, “I need it, I’m a guy.”
In a relationship where sexual coercion is occurring, there is a lack of consent, and the coercive partner doesn’t respect the boundaries or wishes of the other.

    loveisrespect:

    What is Sexual Coercion?

    If someone makes you feel obligated or forced to do something you don’t want to, you may be experiencing coercion. By definition, sexual coercion is “the act of using pressure, alcohol or drugs, or force to have sexual contact with someone against his or her will” and includes “persistent attempts to have sexual contact with someone who has already refused.”

    Think of sexual coercion as a spectrum or a range. It can vary from someone verbally egging you on to someone actually forcing you to have contact with them. It can be verbal and emotional, in the form of statements that make you feel pressure, guilt or shame. You can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, your partner might:

    • Make you feel like you owe them — for example, because you’re in a relationship, because you’ve had sex before, because they spent money on you or bought you a gift, because you go home with them
    • Give you compliments that sound extreme or insincere as an attempt to get you to agree to something
    • Badger you, yell at you, or hold you down
    • Give you drugs and alcohol to loosen up your inhibitions
    • Play on the fact that you’re in a relationship, saying things such as: “Sex is the way to prove your love for me” or “If I don’t get sex from you I’ll get it somewhere else”
    • React negatively (with sadness, anger or resentment) if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something
    • Continue to pressure you after you say no
    • Make you feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if you say no
    • Try to normalize their sexual expectations — for example, “I need it, I’m a guy.”

    In a relationship where sexual coercion is occurring, there is a lack of consent, and the coercive partner doesn’t respect the boundaries or wishes of the other.

    Reblogged from: hobbitkaiju
  8. tsunime:

    mental-health-advice:

    Abusive Expectations - Makes impossible demands, requires constant attention, and constantly criticizes.

    Aggressing - Name calling, accusing, blames, threatens or gives orders, and often disguised as a judgmental “I know best” or “helping” attitude.

    Constant Chaos - Deliberately starts arguments with you or others. May treat you well in front of others, but changes when you’re alone.

    Rejecting - Refusing to acknowledge a person’s value, worth or presence. Communicating that he or she is useless or inferior or devaluing his or her thoughts and feelings.

    Denying - Denies personal needs (especially when need is greatest) with the intent of causing hurt or as punishment. Uses silent treatment as punishment. Denies certain events happened or things that were said. Denies your perceptions, memory and sanity by disallowing any viewpoints other than their own which causes self-doubt, confusion, and loss of self-esteem.

    Degrading - Any behavior that diminishes the identity, worth or dignity of the person such as: name-calling, mocking, teasing, insulting, ridiculing,

    Emotional Blackmail - Uses guilt, compassion, or fear to get what he or she wants.

    Terrorizing - Inducing intense fear or terror in a person, by threats or coercion.

    Invalidation - Attempts to distort your perception of the world by refusing to acknowledge your personal reality. Says that your emotions and perceptions aren’t real and shouldn’t be trusted.

    Isolating - Reducing or restricting freedom and normal contact with others.

    Corrupting - Convincing a person to accept and engage in illegal activities.

    Exploiting - Using a person for advantage or profit.

    Minimizing - A less extreme form of denial that trivializes something you’ve expressed as unimportant or inconsequential.

    Unpredictable Responses - Gets angry and upset in a situation that would normally not warrant a response. You walk around on eggshells to avoid any unnecessary drama over innocent comments you make. Drastic mood swings and outbursts.

    Gaslighting -A form of psychological abuse involving the manipulation of situations or events that cause a person to be confused or to doubt his perceptions and memories. Gaslighting causes victims to constantly second-guess themselves and wonder if they’re losing their minds.

    Love, Salem

    Reblogging for myself and followers

    Reblogged from: fucknorapeapologists
  9. bheidh:

    a reality check that’s a blow to the solar plexis

    SEE ALSO: why i’m crumbling under the weight of prolonged loneliness for fear of letting anyone in again & repeating this

    [via]

    Reblogged from: labrujamorgan
  10. This is an abusive relationship and you do not deserve this treatment, angel. Please dont go out with her again if she is treating you bad. you deserve love, respect and patience. She suffers from bipolar but her condition does not excuse the way she is treating you.

    You are precious, incredible and loveable.

    I’m sorry to hear that you wasnt supported with your suicide attempt and please look at the useful links page if you need any guidance or advice on this. I care about you. 

    Stay safe, Okay?

    -Jasmine

  11. Would you like to help out answering questions and posting for the DAS page?

    If you’d like to help out survivors of Domestic Abuse, please reply to this post or send us a message!

    Take care, Okay?

  12. I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with this situation. You are important and precious and do not deserve this abuse. Thank you for reaching out to the page. You are not stupid, you did what you thought was right at the time.

    It would be a good idea to reach out to a support network that can support you, whether you have friends, family or a local organisation that can help you leave [when you are ready to leave and when it is safe to do so].

    Your safety is the priority. It might not be safe to leave right away, but please think about getting out of the situation. If you need any support for trying to leave, please feel free to get in touch and also take a note of the American National Domestic Violence Hotline :- 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

    Please Stay Safe, Okay?

    -Jasmine

  13. I am so sorry to hear this! I’m not sure which country you are writing from so I am attaching a list of international resources that may be able to help you here:-

    https://rainn.org/get-help/sexual-assault-and-rape-international-resources

    If you’d like to message me or SCAR [Self Care After Rape] privately, you are welcome to do so. Please stay in contact.

    http://selfcareafterrape.tumblr.com/

    Please stay safe, okay?

    -Jasmine

  14. Sorry to hear that you are dealing with this situation. You are so brave for speaking out and realising that this behaviour is wrong. You do not deserve this and it would be advisable to find a safe way to leave this relationship.

    If your partner makes you perform sexual acts that you are not comfortable with, it is sexual assault. It is still considered sexual assault if you do not consent to sex, regardless of relationship to the individual. If you feel pressured into sex, this is called coersion. It is still sexual assault.

    If you have a support network - i.e. friends or family that you can stay with, it would be good to let them know you’re thinking of leaving the relationship so you have people to support and guide you during this difficult time.

    Stay safe, okay?

    -Jasmine

  15. Thank you for reaching out to us. It is always difficult when an abuser has manipulated you into keeping silent about everything, and very valid to have feelings of defeat after you’ve walked away. But YOU have left the situation ! You have been courageous to get out.

    You have a safe space to speak about your experiences here at DAS and we will try to support you!

    Stay safe, okay?

    -Jasmine

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